Category Archives: Love

A Whispered Hallelujah

Standard

I once stood on the canyon ledge — the Grand Canyon — on one of its many precipices, with the toes of my chuck all stars hugging the very edge of its footing. I stood there, breathless. Enraptured. It’s a spell-binding experience, taking in the infinite greatness of that wonder before you. Your own body — your own life — grow to seem quite infinitesimal in that space.

Recently, I had a strikingly similar experience. In one single instant, I realized how incredibly fragile our lives are; how inconceivably fleeting a single lifetime is, and how greatly we all take this thing for granted. This life. This love. This momentary human experience that is so unbelievably diverse with pains and joys, hopes and fears. It occurred to me, that nothing else matters besides love.

It’s not about fluffy feelings and pretty flowers and cliche greeting cards. It’s about selfless, unwavering, brightly shining Love. The Love that throws itself face first in the mud to keep another safe. Whole. Joyful. Comforted. The Love that never tires, never hesitates, refuses to back down, pierces through the deepest midnight and illuminates the heart of Life. The Love that accepts no second best, allows no room for excuses, bears no room for complacency or apathy.

It’s Love on fire, Love in motion, perpetuating itself with every moment that you’re in it. It needs no rest, has no end, takes no breaks and wins every battle.

That’s important. What we’re all forgetting is that the Love that brought us into this world is the only thing that will see us through this world.

We are not of this world. What does that mean? It means recognizing this one simple truth…

Love: Quantifying the Unquantifiable

Standard

The following post was completely inspired by my all-time favorite blogger, Mr. M (also known as the Great SprinklinThoughts). He happens to be my spiritual brother — my only brother — and a powerful human being with this mad-crazy, uncanny grip on all things meaningful. His recent piece moved me, and challenged me to dig deep deep down into the center of who I am — and examine just exactly what I’m made of. Read his post, and share your thoughts with him on his blog.

“Saying I Love You” by SprinklinThoughts

Then, if you’re still free for a second or two, swing back by here and let me know what you think.

Here is what I had to say in response to the question SprinklinThoughts inspired, “Why do we water down ‘love’?” (To paraphrase; why are we afraid to say ‘I love you’?)

There are two forms of love (this is the duality of love); worldly love, and spirit love. We could also look at is as conditional love, and agape love. Or human love, and divine love. Or limited love, and infinite love.

While there are undeniably a few highly enlightened human beings who have mastered an understanding of limitless, unconditional, divine agape love, there is an inescapable humanness in the application, or expression of that kind of love.

Due to the limitations of our carnal nature, even the most pure and holy of men will somehow fall short in the expression of agape love.

I find this motivating, however — not debilitating — to our practice of walking in this kind of love; speaking of this kind of love; holding on dearly to this sacred kind of love. We cannot run from purity just because perfection is unobtainable; that is all the more reason to pursue it doggedly; unabashedly; wildly, with all we’ve got.

People shy away from what they cannot comprehend. People are trepidatious of the unfamiliar… And in the case of “I love you,” everyone on the receiving end typically asks the internal question “Okay, what is this person wanting from me?” Tragic, that we have allowed our spirits to become so guarded and skeptical; and yet in this greedy and heartless culture we have collectively created for ourselves, it is the most practical and protective measure we subconsciously take to prevent any possible vandalization of what small sacredness we have managed to retain within ourselves.

I say we rise up and teach the world how to love again. How to love without demand, without expectation, without reason or justification.

I say we return to the holiness from which we came, and dwell in the vibration of agape sincerity, and give it without hesitation or reservation — and do it OFTEN.

Grief, Pain, and Loss: the Beauty Beyond Their Infinities

Standard

If you could have witnessed what it was like to be around my Grammy and me, you’d intuitively understand the special bond the two of us shared. Everyone in my life — and hers — knew and adored our relationship, maybe even better than they ever knew or adored us. Our own individual identities were somehow intrinsically tied to our connection; it truly was that unspeakably deep. From my first dirty diaper to my first real heartbreak, this woman and I were connected in ways that transcended human comprehension. We were each other.

You can imagine the awkward twinge of a somehow envious-yet-awestruck pain this must have caused my mother. Still; even my very own mother — even from the very beginning — understood the beautiful magnitude of such an enormous and divine love. To this day, the gratitude she feels to have been such a crucial part of that bond holds precedence over the strange and unexpected jealousy any mother might feel. My mother has more of my Grammy in her than she knows.

Because of all that, however, I received quite an overwhelming response from almost every person at my Grammy’s memorial service. For some reason, each person in attendance felt it was their own personal duty somehow to give me permission to cry.

I couldn’t cry. The entire service, I just sat there… Numb. Frozen in space and time; suspended from reality like a puppet on a string, not refusing the grief, but somehow unable to quantify it through the customary tears that every single person seemed to expect me to shed. Tears felt like a disservice to my pain. Like an insult. Tears would have suggested that the loss was measurable somehow, and it simply wasn’t. I couldn’t cry; not because I was refusing to face the sorrow, but because the sorrow was simply too gigantic to portray by crying tears of a loss that becomes accepted and embraced when we mourn. There was no way to mourn this loss… Because it was so huge, so indescribable, that it was a PART of me. The only way I can explain it is to suggest imagining how you would feel attending your own funeral in person. It was awkward and surreal and it felt like nobody truly understood the depth of the pain. If they had, they would have known without question why my heart was too broken to weep.

And after all these years, all these pivotal moments in my life where I’ve had to re-live the reality of her no longer being here with me, I have cried only once or twice about the fact that she is gone. Fifteen years later, I am still too raw and too lost for words to minimize the pain with tears that can’t reach the infinity of sorrow by her absence in my world.

Maybe the things that matter the most to us have their own journeys to take through the un-navigatable corners of our hearts and souls. For me, it seems, that much I know is true.

This an excerpt from a previous post, “All That We See or Seem…”
The vibration resounded for me today, so I shared that vibe. Maybe some part of my own grieving and cherishing process will encourage others who feel the same strain of hiking such painful, mountainous terrain. Be blessed.

reasons why

Standard

I have been somewhat absent from my blog lately. I might be absent for an unspecified further duration, but I wanted to tell everybody I love around here that I will be back when life allows. I haven’t forgotten about you. Thanks for peaceful thoughts and loving vibrations. Prayers are welcomed as well.

I’d like to avoid elaborating, but just know that every little thing… is gonna be alright. I’m singing don’t worry, about a thing…

And I’ll be thinking of you.

(For a wicked cool song, which strikes a resonant chord in me right now, check out the first comment below and click on that clicky link. Powerful reverberations of a powerful feeling.)

I’m a Circle, Squared

Standard
I’m a Circle, Squared

“Keep on going,” in what was meant as a whisper
Collapses heavy now in the kaleidescopic membranes of my cerebellum.

Sound. Wave. Bounce off the eardrum
And make these synapses dance
(Dancing is as dancing does)

At midnight, with her slipper

One-two-three-
For coming undone
Becoming won under (and -over occasions)
In which
Serendipity has taken a chance

Shines here, the sun.

On me.
(A lady, I honor my bets)
As good as it gets
Ready set goes it,
Sudden ka-pow

The mind is full of fireworks
They startle,
Us in times as these
Butterflies flitter
And weakening knees

As if the throttle
of humanity’s collective consciousness is broken
in the full-on hammer-down position/stance.

Which way are we going? Which way are we going?

Faster than you planned to navigate
But that’s what seatbelts were made for.
The oops we should have done better.
Maybe next time, maybe never

Collision, and light, met with color and sky.

Brain. Wave.
Tell my mouth what to say,
Unspeaking with wild-eyed wonder.

Plunder, under, deeper beneath
Action: reaction. Equal is ever is
Always that thunder
Goes boom
and it

…rolls baby, my how it rolls

The birth of a thought

Hypothalamus triggered
(Quite the old giver)
And given to all sorts of whimsies, I’m told.

…my brain always tells me what to say.
I do not like her anyway.

Floating on a frequency
Is much like flying,
Only not.

And beneath the calm collectedness
The heart pushes over and over,

The blood through its chambers
Emotion is danger

With peace being sought

What is a pulse called
Without one’s own body?

Without any certainty
Ready as ever
Certainly I’m not so sure anymore
Sure only now that the curse is the cure
One and then two
As these thoughts often do

They are their own compass
And majesty too.

Buckle your shoe
(I do, yes I do)

Bellow your truth
To the oceans of forever surrounding you.
Once I lost myself at sea
Until
The sea had lost herself in me

Return to thee, return to thee.

What are we made of?
Statistics suggest
I am 80% water
But only 50% dense

Evaporated plans for a future
Once so wide
My sea isn’t dead
It became my blue sky

Continually catapulting
Myself through its forever,
My soul through its endlessness
Bracing its abysses

I must say I was in fact
always partial to flying
If given to choose between an eternity of blue
Where one is wet and one is You,

My perfect-fallen night
The stars were always meant to soothe

Orion and her belt
Are dancing-dipping with a dipper

So much love
And “going on, I keep”
A whisper only with her.