Category Archives: Blogging

Have You Ever Tried To Bathe A Cat? Turning Thirty Is The Opposite Of That.

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Today I’m thirty years old. Yesterday, I wasn’t. I’ve taken it upon myself to organize a celebration in the form of pajamas all day. Holla! 🙂

The onset of middle age isn’t anything I expected. The deep pontifications of growth, time, and change haven’t hit me like I thought they would. I woke up in the same foggy-brained body in which I fell asleep and my coffee tasted no more bittersweet than usual.

So what makes these birthdays– the ones with a zero in them– such a big deal?

I’ve felt thirty since I was twelve. Maybe that’s why it feels so uneventful to turn thirty; maybe not. I’m an infant by comparison to almost all of the people I care about and it’s always been that way. My entire life I’ve stood on the outside of something greater than myself, stretching to see over some metaphorical fence to find a place I belong, a crowd that makes sense, some collective group of like-minded people who might provide my brain a reprieve from the monotonies of living. It’s why I started this blog, even.

And over the course of the past year since it began, I’ve certainly found my niche. Here in this space, I have an entire world of compassionate and intelligent people at my fingertips. I found a brother (Sprinklin Thoughts) and a few powerful people who I’ve come to consider friends (Wayward Spirit, Travis, Alarna Rose Gray, Jennifer Stuart, Sean Bidd, The Loon, Lucas A. Draeger, and many wonderful others). Not only have I found a place to build my bonfires, I’ve discovered company in which to stay warm and inspired beside them. The kind of kin that only the internet and a burning desire to be part of something could provide.

Thanks, WordPress. Happy birthday to me. 🙂

So while I’m playing in my flowerbeds and making dinner in pajamas, maybe someone can shed some light for me. What’s with all the fuss about “getting old”? Am I the only one who likes it?

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So I’m Not Dying, It’s Decided, And Other Good News

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Random token for the day: I quit smoking (!!!) a couple of weeks ago and finally stuck with it. Go me. 🙂

It was a long time coming. A pack and a half a day, of cigars. Cherry clove cigars, which are nowhere near as nasty or unattractive as they sound.

But I quit, so high five.

I’m still on these God-awful IV antibiotics (the side effects of which are a lot like Influenza on steroids), after a total of three surgeries for this flesh-eating nonsense (MRSA Cellulitis, and can you believe that that’s what it took for me to finally quit smoking?).

Three surgeries in two months. The kind of surgery where you go home with a ferocious open wound and have brutal daily home health visits to pack the wound –like a Thanksgiving turkey– with some sort of miracle gauze that costs as much as the boob job I never got. Almost.

I should be a tourist attraction, a guest star on Ripley’s Believe It Or Not or a featured act in Barnum and Bailey’s Side Show of Circus Freaks.

The whole thing sucks balls.

Totally off topic (sort of): have you heard about the mermaids? Actual mermaids. Barnum & Bailey’s claimed to have one in the 1920’s but the NYC warehouse in which it was stored burnt down in a terrific fire, three days prior to the mermaid’s grand debut– so no one believed it. There’s new scientific evidence (sound recordings and deep sea film footage too) suggesting that mermaids might well be an undocumented species. Honestly, look it up.

Anyway, I’m healing (which is wonderful) and finding encouragement in the most unexpected places. Prior to this infectious disease nonsense I planted fifty-eight random packages of flower seeds. You should see around my house now. A huge variety of flowers all standing at attention like some sort of triumphant reckoning with all the bad luck I’ve had. Hollyhocks and bright red sunflowers, snapdragons and zinnias and peonies and nasturtum and hundreds of others all defiantly sprouting up like a pat on the back, as if to say “Hey mama, it’s all good.”

The honeysuckle too. It’s taken upon itself to spread out like a dog in heat across the perimeter of our property. The boys LOVE this.

You can’t imagine how wonderful it smells here, sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea and not smoking for a change, resisting the awareness of what horrific pain I’m in and simply feeling grateful to be alive.

It really is the little things in life that become the big things.

Now go check out the mermaids for yourself. 😉

The Wild Path

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The mind runs like a mustang
Unbroken by the boundaries,
The bindings,
The bridle that cuts at the chaff

The chagrin woe
The steel plow
The oil drills, spilling in volcanous spewing

And like a different kind,
The same breed
But race horse
Fills the pocket stash

Greed, gleans the collected man into composure
The pasture from his birth to freedom day
Nothing there beyond will his eye know of

Sure, the grain chews greasy in texture
Prick precising
Divides the whole
In two unleveled halves

We are assigned
From birth
The have nots; the haves
The common stream
From which both drink
And share
The backwards flow
Ego; wrath

No beard on a mountain sings of hunger
No coin in the bank sings full

The stallion knows not of blue collars and class
His wisdom, either
Will not keep;
It’s perished just as soon
The moment’s passed

All the wild horses…

Dear World

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Dear World

So, I’m in the hospital.

What started as a random ingrown hair quickly turned into a grapefruit-sized abscess (literally), and from there it progressed into a nasty case of MRSA Cellulitis.

After an immediate admission to the hospital and an extensive series of cultures, labwork, imaging tests, and consultations with infectious disease specialists and surgeons and many other doctors whose specialties I can’t recall — all of whom were dutifully dressed in their haz-mat suit-resembling ensemble — I was suddenly being wheeled into surgery.

The surgery was totally unexpected. It was invasive and cosmetically horrifying. Envision yourself coming out of anesthesia only to discover a massive, wide-open, gaping wound large enough to fit your entire fist inside — and deep enough to get halfway up your forearm. You think you’re grossed out?

Okay, I’ll spare you the rest of the details.

While in recovery from surgery, I developed another abscess. I’m currently on an infusion of various and ridiculously hard-core I.V. antibiotics– most of which have little to no effect whatsoever against the MRSA.

However, I’m also well-supplied with a nice variety of chill-out-and-feel-merry medications, which make it much easier to feel hopefully nonchalant about the whole ordeal.

Really, it’s just staph. 🙂

I’ve missed reading all of your wonderful posts and hearing all of your beautiful thoughts and hearing how your lives are going. I’ve received so many comments that I still haven’t responded to; just so you know, each one is invaluable to me. Your words hold weight and I promise to respond as soon as I can.

You know, once I get rid of this flesh-eating bacteria.

Your prayers and healing thoughts are appreciated, and I can’t wait to be healthy and home and reading your brilliant thoughts again. 🙂

Who, me?

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Compliments make me feel like a fish on a bicycle; however, it’d be a slight of hand (or slight of character) not to humbly accept the following awards, giving credence to the crazy folks who chose me. So…

Wayward Spirit and Dutifully Broken have simultaneously nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award. Double whammy!

I’m most excited to choose my own seven nominees! But first…

The Rules:
1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 7 other fellow bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

7 Things About Me

1. I have traveled to and/or lived in 49 of the United States. These journeys both strengthened and weakened my perception of the US as a ‘first world’ country. The South wins for kindness and fried okra; the North wins for breathtaking autumns and manic braniacs; the East wins for dynamic landscapes and resilient people; and the West — well, it holds my heart.

2. Speaking of places I’ve lived: a mental institution. I’m neither proud nor ashamed of that fact. I came out of the five-day experience with a deepened conviction that most “crazy” people are simply the ones who got a little too close to reality at some point, and understood the implications of it just a little too well. Then again, I too went crazy once — so what do I know.

3. I declined a full ride scholarship with my music at a great school out of state to attend an ivy league university instead; during that intense schooling, I double majored in Psychology and Philosophy. One semester shy of graduating, I withdrew and started a family. The reason still escapes me. I’ll finish my degrees… Someday.

4. I have a debilitating problem with untextured cotton. I’m serious. If you don’t like me, all you’ve got to do is come after me with a cotton ball. It makes me puke — literally; I can’t even use q-tips. The sensation of it sends phobic-chills down my spine. I’ve been this way since infancy. Embarrassing and inexplicable. I’m a whackjob.

5. I was vegetarian for five years. Now (five years later) I fish, hunt, and clean (prepare) the meat with my own hands. That’s why I avoided meat for so long; mass production of consumer-ready animal products is atrocious. Don’t look into it unless you’re prepared for a big life change. It will haunt you.

6. I studied martial arts for 13 years (total), and I once used roller skates (quads, not blades) instead of my car. For almost a full year, I roller skated my way to work, the store, the park, the doctor, etc. I miss it. But since I can’t exactly skate my litter of children to school, practicality wins.

7. My favorite color is yellow. I’ll settle for any color, however, when it comes to my tennis shoes — as long as they’re fluorescently colored. Some women collect Gucci; I collect rainbows.

And now…

I Nominate These 7 Blogs

1. SprinklinThoughts He ain’t heavy; he’s my brother. Love acquires a new dimension every time this spiritual creature gets out of bed in the morning. With or without his coffee, he can dumbfound, endear, and motivate your every last inhibition. I learned how to swim in these waters.

2. Travis the Traveler Kindred spirit. His machete-mind slices through every last preconceived notion like a dagger of discernment, and yet has the purest voice of reason. He’s humble, yet brilliant. Truth can cut you gently; he’s proof.

3. Thomas Ross There’s a mysterious human being with intergalactic abilities of understanding; I found myself fortunate enough to have been his brief — yet sharp — point of focus. It left me breathless. It doesn’t take much for him to capture your spirit, your attention, and your respect.

4. Jennifer Stuart The only thing missing is a complimentary holographic latte. Otherwise, this blog is supremely reminiscent of utopia, in cyber-earth. (Well, a virtual massage might be nice too, but you can only demand so much from divinity.) She is a bohemian spirit with bodacious, bright-eyed thought processes. An inspired human being.

5. Alarna Rose Gray If my heart were to break in an unrecoverable way, I would turn to this woman and find out what she had to say. Her pulse comes from the expansion of the universe.

6. The Girl in the Hat Her ideas have their own poetry. Her brain will bring you back to life; have writer’s block? Her words can fix that. Ever find yourself stifled by the monotonies of day to day living? I often take my breaks from reality here. She’s cool people.

7. Dana Fuhrman The world is not as small as you might think. For example, this lady has been to far away lands and has done the most breathtaking things; and yet, she is merely a woman with the very same human nature to which the rest of us (less enlightened) creatures often succumb. She inspires and challenges me.