Category Archives: American Culture

The Top Ten Reasons The United States is The United States


…Drumroll, please!…

10. WalMart! McDonald’s! Starbucks!
…oh. Wait. I forgot we took over the planet with our supersized mindlessness. Moving on…

9. We might be technically owned (and maybe even operated) by China, but they ain’t got nothin’ on our Chinese food!

8. You can carry a gun, kill an intruder in your home and even end the life of a fetus using taxpayer’s money; but even if you purchase a bulletproof vest or a health insurance plan, the premiums and efficiency of either can’t protect you from the statistical likehood of your death occurring almost a decade before the majority of other “first world” countries.

7. The metric system. Huh?

6. Inner cities, rural counties, and especially these good ol’ suburbs. Nobody gets excluded from the excitement of the local shopping mall!

5. John Denver, the Rocky Mountains, bluegrass music, the Appalachian Mountains, Blue Oyster Cult and religious freedom. No sarcasm here, folks. This is the substance of all things good and worth our while.

4. Jesus. You know, despite the blinding darknesses of our increasingly shallow society, the light of God shines brightest in the most unexpected places. The local diner off route 66, the elementary schools, and even the scenic drives here all bear a certain presence of inexplicable grace and beauty.

3. The Fourth of July. Barbequed ribs, fried okra, explosive glory in prisms of neon, splashing across the horizon over rivers and skyscrapers with kids laughing and music playing. These things make me proud to be an American.

2. There is always somebody knocking on our door. Asking if we are afraid of going to hell, soliciting support for the local T-Ball Tournaments through candy bar gluttony, delivering our Amazon purchases and occasionally relieving us of our children for a few hours with outdoor play. But sometimes the doorbell rings because our neighbors cooked us some love and dropped by to share it. That’s as American as it gets.

1. Women vote, give birth, make a living, and occasionally even marry each other. Men allow this to happen. (As opposed to… You know, trying to stop us and discovering we somehow became smarter than they are somewhere along the way.) Although… I won’t say what I think of Sarah Palin holding the microphone in representation of We The People…

We work as though our life depends on it, because life in America sort of does depend on it. However…