Category Archives: Abuse

I Am Not Your Victim

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I Am Not Your Victim

The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
–Wilson Mizner

I chased myself
In circles, ragged
Eyes hanging so sad
Heavy
Searching, seeking
Some invisiblity
Some nonexistence
Some thing

Oh lonesome fool
I was

And one flesh, I became you
Joining in the party of pity
Hanging itself to death each night
Lay me down to sleep

Silence, sing of sorrows
Bringing lullabies
Be them borrowed

I have mastered the art
Of screaming
Without sound

How can this man I half became
Be still too deaf, too dull
To carry
And what of me
Of belief, of wedding

Nevermore, nevermind
Axes buried

And I, the madman’s trophy
Am now
No more than nothing
But once upon a time

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Something Abused Women Never Tell You

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Something Abused Women Never Tell You

I am silenced and submissive
Raging inside, where beautiful ideas go to die

I’m half of myself; fractioned
Fractures hide themselves well
Collected, I am
A cool calm collection of them
The broken bits, loose screws unwinding

He says anger looks ugly on me
I stop wearing makeup and frowning, lower my voice and say please rather than fuck you

It isn’t enough.

He wants the rush, not the victory
The squeal, not the bacon
Though he enjoys both, he is satisfied
By neither, nothing, never
He bites my head off
For the volumous chew, the ratchet twist, the wretched way my body writhes with rebellion
The texture of misery is a taste he must’ve acquired

And love, you can’t imagine
But this is also what it looks like
The kind that can’t walk away
Or be firm in the boundaries
The kind that finds its secret pleasures
In the challenge of such a twisted duel
You don’t believe it and I don’t blame you
But this is love
Too