My Purified Frame of Mind

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My Purified Frame of Mind

There’s a stillness and a sorrow
Resting in the hush of this moment
I pull myself out from the sinking of it
Playing peek-a-boo with peace;
I surrender. Finally. Feeling the onset of ease

You can’t resist the spirit, you know
It has its own certain terrains to traverse
Whether welcomed or dreaded,
Prepared for or procrastinatingly headed
To
the depths of it, open themselves up for you
In anticipation of your own personal coming.

Sometimes I don’t belong to the world in which I live
Extraterrestrial understanding
Never sat well with the unknowing all around me
But I’ve accustomed myself to its customs
The dictates and indoctrinations;

I don’t have to stomach it to swallow it
I don’t have to buy into it to buy it
The albatross wears nicely on my neck.
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down,
In the most delightful way.

Sometimes I wonder what we look like to the stars
How lonely we must seem, even from a place so far
Away
in my desperation I long to go
Row row row my boat so merrily and such.
Venitian canals where the crossroads are not roads, but merely water
And at sunset the streets become made of gold
(Someone should tell the miners in Alaska
they’ve been looking in all the wrong places)

I noticed (on that note) on the Discovery channel
(during an advertisement for that gold-digging show)
That the gold-rush folks hit it big this season;
the producers of the program say they hit the “MotherLODE.”
My husband mocks my dismay at this blindingly-incorrect spelling
What he doesn’t know
Is that the rubbing-me-wrong is rooted in my distaste for all things modern

What if the world’s electricity shut down?
No gas pumps working no stores open now
Spoiled food and anarchy
Because we all forgot how to fend for ourselves.

If I could have only one wish granted,
I’d move up in the hills somewhere
Maybe Northern California, West Virginia or Wyoming
Teach my boys how to live off the land
Catch and clean their own fish
Set traps and make music by a beautiful fire
Bait their own hooks and hunt with bare hands
Prepare for winter and sow harvests
from the soil beneath their ever bare feet

Sometimes I slip into daydreams where the boundary is blurred
Between the reality I’m living and the reality I’ve heard
Of
nighttime gypsy-longings
and unsung folk-song harmonies
these soul rhythms in my heart, of these, are made.

One time, not so long ago
I dreamt it and I stayed
Within the dream, my body awake
My eyes wide open to the promises He gave

“Love is patient, love is kind,” I hear my gentle Master say
And so I sing these lonesome songs
in harmony with my brain
Which tends to make its very own waves,
and rides them
like some solitary surfer
content to determine each one’s length

Frequencies in rhythm with the One and Only
truth-vibration
Surrendering,
Finally
Humbled with humility
The purity and honesty
Of coming to terms (and some form of acceptance)
With the temperature of each day.

The place my life right now resides
Has hard-core heavy seasons
And comically, the climate is considered mild here. Temperate.
I’d like to temper-Ate each and every botoxed meteorologist’s face
For undermining my discomfort in the weather of my days
On these kinds of days, to be precise
When I wasn’t prepared
For the monsoon rains
Freezing heat
And blistering cold
The lowest highs and highest lows
Occasionally, here it snows. Even in the summer
And believe it or not
Things will actually grow
in the winter’s spontaneous, occasional, unbearable 90 degrees
The things we aren’t unexpecting often lead us to our knees

This morning, my dad randomly called me. No reason in particular.
Mentioned briefly this “dream (he) had after he awoke;
Flying suddenly, up high, way off the ground
Five cylinders appeared; they were circular and rotating, taking up the entire sky.” I wonder then, if he somehow became cylindrical
and if it made him dizzy.

Spinning is certainly how we exist. Look at this planet. Rotating, so ignorantly around its axis.
If I was human, would my axis be this? The perceptions all part of existence.

Conundrum, prelude, afterlude. Enigma, prelude, afterlude. These visions and these seemings.

Dreams within the dreaming.

Eyes allow the heart to see the universe’s revelries. I stop and pay attention,
and my pulse is my own drum. It beats it beats it’s beating. Co-nun-drum. Co-nun-drum. Dancing, it is dancing, to its own quick silent beat.

In wonder, and at heaven’s feet: I dance, I kneel, I take a seat. I say the things my mouth can’t speak, my heart so full with awe.

Joy isn’t proof of some goal we can meet
Waiting visibly in front of us after this this and that;
Joy is defined in the journey itself; it’s who we are now, wherever we’re at. Joy is found in the narrow path.
Whichever road you choose to travel,
I offer this: just lose the map.

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About Brandy Desiree

"Call on me, and I will show you great and unsearchable things you do not know." --Jeremiah 33:3 I am a seeker. A lover. A doer. A thinker. I make music, I dance often, and I laugh. It's all hilarious, really. Everything. Look around you. My children teach me a lot about life. I have five boys, and yes I'm out of my mind. It works for me though; I think this world could honestly use just a little more crazy. A lot of humanity's problems could be solved by everybody taking themselves a little less seriously. I'm grateful and alive; a constantly evolving creature, thankful for the sunshine and just as thankful for the rain... Visit my corner of the universe and share yourself! My heart could implode with welcome for you.

18 responses »

  1. So much here… so much… that blazing ball of fire in the midst of the hurricane…

    The flame is… always different, never the same… yet remains the flame.

    I’d move up into the hills too, if I could. 🙂

    • Yes is oddly inappropriate, how insignificant it sounds as it bounces off of my soul recognition of things that are sometimes said; holy, yes, wow, seems aptly more suiting and yet still there’s so much that no amount of words can say.

      There’s such an unstoppable force in moments such as this. That deepest ‘aha’ feeling.

      Everything, is all there is.

  2. AHHH! I can’t love this enough. I mean I can, I can’t express it enough. From the gypsy songs around a fire to the ever-bare feet, losing the map. Love it. Love it love it love it! It’s like a poetical goldmein! 🙂

      • It would be cool if they could arrange for 3-d holographic skyping. Then we could make a cyber fire and invite all of our friends, but have real-time face to face interaction, with music and smiles without having to leave our kids and pets for too long. Probably in 5 years, that’ll be what everyone’s doing..Do you write songs?

        • Yesssss!!! I just read about you playing guitar, and how you do it to “get to know your fictional characters better”… That’s SO BEAUTIFUL!!! It’s funny, I was responding to a comment recently, remembering this picture my mom took of me at 3 yrs old, sitting in my bedroom windowsill with a children’s National Geographic Animal Encyclopedia. I used to sit there for hours at a time, making up songs about the pictures as if I was turning the words I couldn’t read into a song I somehow knew. It’s always been a deep part of who I am. Do you have any of your stuff I can access somehow online?? How exciting!!

          • You have songs?! Are they online somewhere? I want to hear them 🙂 I just put a couple of mine on soundcloud, under ‘starshipjenerprise’. But I’m super shy about them and not very talented at it, I just find it fun to do and figure that maybe I’ll put songs out there that might make someone in the world smile. It helps me to feel connected to the world in some way, to share the things I’m a little to scared to share. Like the blog, in a way. I feel that I get better at stuff through sharing and putting it out there.
            Like how you leave your plants outside for awhile to let the leaves toughen up against the wind and air, they get stronger. I need to unfurl a little now and then 🙂 (My plants are doing well, by the way. Some pepper seeds that I had given up on have started sprouting in odd areas since I thought they were dead and had just mixed the soil all up..so it’ll be an interesting few weeks in plantworld)
            Where can I find your songs? 🙂

            • You’ll have to make a daytrip to Tulsa to find my songs, lol 🙂

              I played somewhat professionally for a few years, and I also traveled a lot with my music… I play saxophone and sing (my earlier musical days were divided between the two), but now as a stay home mother of five boys I like to plink the strings on my acoustic guitar and pretend to know what I’m doing enough to play make -believe music for my babies. No serious musical talent is waiting for you on any online video or anything, I’m sorry. 😉

              It’s kind of a sore spot for me. I guess all the years of performing and being ‘in the in’, and feeling like I was constantly a part of something magical happening on the music scene, has left me with an extreme perfectionism-complex. I can’t muster the courage to play for anyone besides strangers, even for my husband. He’s never even really heard me sing (I used to perform at state fairs and do the National Anthem for racing competitions and regional conferences each week during the summers, as well as jamming with several groups who are now making music full time, professionally.) It’s a pain I can’t quite face, even writing this I feel my heart breaking all over again. I imagine it’s how professional athletes feel when suffering a serious injury that disqualifies them from a renewed contract. Like my soul is trapped under a dense layer of ice, and I don’t know how to get back to doing the one thing I always felt born to do. I’m a mess, I know. (And I wasn’t saying all that to make myself sound important or claiming to be any good at music, I was just sharing my life’s journeys to express how implicit music is to who I am. Sorry for rambling.) 😉

              I’m so happy about your seeds!!! MAGIC!!! You’ll have to make a post with pictures for us!!! So exciting!!! 🙂

              • That is really fascinating. Do you have the time to record a song when only the kids are around? Maybe you could record it and send it to one friend (like me! or someone else!) and maybe that would feel some type of fulfilling, I’m sure there is still room in your heart for all that passion, it may not be exactly like before, but if you are aching for it I am sure there is some way to bring music back in in some way 🙂 If I ever am in Tulsa, we will have to have a campfire!

  3. I love how you can write all this beautiful prose..I’ve often wanted this different life free of all the extraneous billshit that weighs me down…I’d love to live off the land and make fire and be very free..

    But there’d very much need to be modern day bathrooms cause ugh…spiders..and that justspoils my fantasy.

    🙂

    • If you had been raised in a natural environment, maybe your perspective of spiders would revolve more closely around an appreciation of them… Might sound unrealistic to you now, but they do eat mosquitoes, you know. 😉

  4. “Spoiled food and anarchy
    Because we all forgot how to fend for ourselves”
    This thought is huge, and I’ve half a mind to call it prophetic. I’ve a nagging feeling these days that this is where we’re headed. It won’t be the loss of technology that I grieve over, but more our inability to survive without it.

    • My husband is annoyed by the fact that one of the only uses I have for a television is Man vs. Wild or Man, Woman, Wild or Dual Survival. I’m an outdoor junkie. He avoids the outdoors at all costs. My favorite thing in life (besides everything else I love) is fishing, camping, preparing the meals I caught and harvested off the land and cooking them over an open fire. I dont think I’ve ever seen him bait his own hook. It’s hilarious, really. He’d learn how if he had to, but I find it interesting that in spite of gender differences, fewer and fewer human beings ENJOY — let alone know anything about — this minimalistic way of life. Scary prospect… If indeed it is a prophetic idea, how much of a worldwide crisis would ensue.

      And glamping?

      “It’s the end of the world, as we know it …and I feel fine.”

  5. Amazing post and wow, we always relate on expression of what is felt. I encourage your desire to explore this other world that you heard about. Though, it may not be good to jump right in, but to transition to it. The society we live in is very lonely and holds little appeal for people who are determined to reach higher frequencies of consciousness. To live amongst many who are not interested in this silly agenda is quite the buzzkill, meaning it kills your frequency. I find myself less lonely (and less scatterbrained for sure!) all by myself in nature than I do in a crowded bar or shopping mall filled with people that choose not to comprehend what I would choose to convey. I realized that it wasn’t that they couldn’t comprehend, but that they choose not to and they have no interest in seeking life in that direction. They have worked very hard to develop their operating system and overall understanding based on the environment they know.
    Self-awareness, inherently makes us more responsible for the effect of our choices and that, collectively, is a great thing because it leads us to make choices derived internally rather than justified by fear. That is why I have chosen to become as self sustainable as possible so that there is no need to justify my irrational support due to dependency of a corrupt and failing system for humanity, despite the lack of understanding from most people in my life.
    I have been told that I am living in fear by becoming aware of corruption and changing my life to remove my support of it. I understand that living in fear would be to not face what is fearful, and to succumb to the justifications of fear. I have been laughed at as a dooms day prepper, but the people who label me as such have an understanding that is formulated from “reality” television and mainstream news, therefore I would be a fool to allow their judgements to sway my choice. My primary goal is not to keep my body alive, but to allow my soul to be alive inside my body while it exists. I cannot keep my body alive forever but I have a feeling that my soul is and always has been eternal. The most important thing I can think of is to enable ourselves to live as we truly feel we are. You can hear your voice. It is very clear.

  6. (I’m playing catch up today).

    Love this, and reading your comments, am not in the least surprised to find you are musically inclined. Your lines are superbly musical! I hope you find a way back to it, because your talent leaps off the page…

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